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Everything posted by californiasardar1

  1. One reason why this forum is so dead is because of this obsession with closing topics. What's wrong with a vigorous discussion? If you don't like a particular discussion, you don't have to be in that thread.
  2. There's no doubt that power is in numbers (in many instances), and we need a greater number. But I don't think blindly increasing the population is the answer. So many Sikh families in Punjab who rely on agriculture have rather meager landholdings as it is. What will happen if such families have many kids? What will a family with 2 acres of land and 4 sons do? Marginal landowners having a lot of kids will just propagate poverty. In the west, on the other hand, I am all for Sikhs families strategically having 3-5 kids. We desperately need the numbers.
  3. Jagsaw Singh / Legal Singh / West London Singh: I want to send you a private message, but I can't do that since you are posting as a "guest". If it's not too much trouble, can I have an email address so that I can ask you a question that could use your expertise?
  4. Do you lose your age, height and various other personal characteristics? I'm a really stupid person, so please explain to me what you lose and what you retain once you become a khalsa.
  5. This is a great point. Why do people insist on replicating the gender of the panj pyare, but not their other attributes? Why not insist on panj pyare who come from the same geographic areas, same castes, have the same height/weights, same ages, etc. as the original panj pyare? It just shows how ridiculous it is to insist that the panj pyare be male.
  6. I think women view keeping body hair as a great limitation that will isolate them socially. I think that at least partially explains the amritdhari gender gap. But that is only one factor. In general, I think young Sikh women are less inclined to feel a connection with their Sikh heritage than young Sikh men are (even in cases where that connection does not necessarily involve being amritdhari). For this, I blame their conflation of Sikhi with conservative Punjabi culture. While the former is very progressive in terms of promoting gender equality, the latter is the opposite. Let's face it: a lot of our parents (especially those from rural, uneducated backgrounds) treat their sons and daughters differently. In some cases, the different treatment is administered with the best intentions in mind (but a lack of awareness of what is perceived to be sexist in the modern world). In other cases, there is outright favoritism of boys. This is a dire problem, and we need to do something to increase the number of amritdhari women, and more generally, engage more young Sikh women and let them know that Sikhi is for them.
  7. Did someone pay them a lot of money to make fun of themselves? I don't understand how any self-respecting men can make such a video. As much of a joke as Sikhs in Punjab have become, these urban Delhi Sikhs are no better. It's largely because of them that the rest of India sees Sikhs as a bunch of clowns and jokers.
  8. Satinder Sartaj as Duleep Singh? And Duleep Singh is wearing a Patiala Shahi pagh? Looks like a very poorly made movie ...
  9. Hi, Let me start with some background about myself. I was born and raised in America. My hair has been uncut my entire life. I don't drink. When I was young, my parents taught me about the Sikh religion and I was always very proud of it. I don't think any other religion is as progressive or sensible. While I have always been proud to be Sikh, I can't say the same about being Punjabi. Why? I had some very bad experiences with Punjabi people in my youth. The children at the local gurdwara (where most kids had cut hair) would often tease me for keeping my kesh. As we got older, the teasing became less frequent, but I still felt like I was always shunned or excluded to a certain extent by the other kids. I was also ridiculed for being poor (my family doesn't come from a poor background in India, or a so-called "low caste", but some unfortunate circumstances that I will not get into contributed to a relatively low standard of living). Ironically, my non-Punjabi friends seemed to give me much less grief over my hair or the economic background of my family. I know that these are just my own personal experiences, and I am not trying to say that all Punjabi people are like the ones I encountered as a youngster, but they nevertheless left me with a very bad taste in my mouth. I felt completely rejected by Punjabi people and since I left home to go to college, I tried my best to steer clear of them. I am aware of how paradoxical this all is: a man who is proud to be a Sikh and will not change his appearance or lifestyle to assimilate into "mainstream America", and yet feels uncomfortable around other Sikhs and does his best to avoid them. Anyway, as a result of my bad experiences and subsequent isolation, I never really imagined myself marrying a Punjabi Sikh girl. Of course, I couldn't really imagine a non-Sikh girl taking an interest in me either. I guess I wasn't living in reality, but for what it's worth, I'd usually think of unrealistic scenarios in which I'd end up with a white girl, and never of unrealistic scenarios in which I'd end up with a Punjabi girl. As I've gotten older (I'm now 27), I've slowly moved back into reality and realized how impossible it is for a non-Sikh girl to be interested in me. The association that people have with bearded, turbanned men and Islamic terrorism is just too pervasive. And even to the more enlightened, I will always look too "foreign". Consequently, I have tried to make myself understand that my bad experience with Punjabi people was something that I needed to come to terms with and let go of. For the last year, I've tried to get back in touch with my Punjabi roots, and I've also tried to meet Punjabi girls. Of course, having isolated myself from the Punjabi community for so long, I don't know many Punjabi people and I've had to resort to matrimonial websites (like to meet girls. Here's the impression I've gotten: due to my beard and turban, I have about as little chance with 99% of Punjabi girls as I do with the average American girl. Being objective, I'm far from a bad looking guy. I tie my beard, I'm tall, fit, and highly educated. If you are wondering about my caste, I'm jatt. Yet, I'm having a very hard time finding anyone who is even willing to talk to me. I don't know where this leaves me. I could never live with myself if I cut my hair and shaved off my beard. It would violate my religious principles, and it would be a slap in the face to all the taunting and discrimination I have endured in my life. Yet, there is this inescapable feeling that I have that my decision to maintain a Sikhi sarup is equivalent to being sentenced to a lifetime of loneliness. I've been able to deal with what I went through as a kid, I've been able to put up with the post 9/11 bull-----, but this is just too galling. Please understand that I'm not trying to make this a men vs. women issue. (I know there are a lot of issues that women in our religion/culture have to deal with.) And I'm not saying every last Punjabi Sikh girl will only consider a clean-shaven man. But, being objective, there are very few who would entertain the thought of marrying a sardar with an uncut beard. I hope that this is just a difficult period that I'm going through and that if I look hard enough I will find the right person (although I have very serious doubts). But lets look at the issue beyond myself or any one person. It's human nature for a man to want the affection and companionship of a woman. What is going to happen to our community if the only options for a keshdari young man are to 1) go to India and find someone who he might not have much in common with and who is likely only interested in him so that she can come to America, or 2) go on with a needle-in-a-haystack type search (as I am doing) . Nobody likes to have such limited options, and it will be difficult even for substantially religious men to resist cutting their hair under such circumstances. If we are to prevent the bearded, turbanned Sikh from disappearing, we have to do something. Blaming young Sikh women is not right and it is not productive. People are products of their environments, and from a young age, both in India and the west, people are conditioned to look at beards and turbans as unattractive. I wish we could do something to counter this. I wish there were some high profile, handsome sardars for people to observe. Beards and turbans do not have to be associated exclusively with al-Qaeda operatives you see on the news or buffoonish sardars in Bollywood films. They can have the regal, commanding quality that I (at least) get when I look at paintings of Guru Gobind Singh or Hari Singh Nalwa. Anyway, I would greatly appreciate any insight or comments you might have about my predicament in particular or this larger problem that our community is facing.
  10. I understand the importance of having a "can do" attitude, but if we can do something for younger Singhs, we should. My parents' generation could not provide any support and guidance because of the cultural barrier, generation gap, and the emerging hatred of Singhs that they did not have to grapple with. Now we have a generation of Sikh men with their dhari and kesh intact who have been raised in America, Canada and the UK. We are in a position to reach out and, at the very least, provide more understanding and support than our parents' generation did. This goes beyond Singhs' problems with girls. Just having some "big brother" types who could provide advice and facilitate activities and habits that build confidence and self-esteem for young Singhs could really help them in many different aspects of life.
  11. What a complete joke. Gurdas Maan has played a huge role in creating the degenerate culture that now dominates Punjab.
  12. I don't really have a plan. I have moved back in with my parents and have focused on taking care of them, sorting out my career, and exercising. I haven't been looking for a girl, haven't been going to the Gurdwara, haven't kept in touch with the Sikh community. From time to time, I feel a sense of deep regret, like I've missed out on something. And I wish my parents had grandchildren they could play with and look after. But overall, I am happier now than when I was trying to meet a girl. Life goes on. I posted on this thread again because I had an experience recently which brought back the emotions and thoughts I had when I was trying to meet a girl, and it made me wish the situation for me and people like me was different, and that something could be done about it. Perhaps if there was some support structure for young men during their formative years, they could come up with a better way of overcoming this obstacle than just ignoring it and moving on with their lives.
  13. I didn't even realize it was Valentine's Day until you brought it up. I don't pay attention to holidays. What you don't seem to understand is it is not all about just getting a girl. One's dignity must also be kept intact. Things changed when I had shorn hair, but I realized I could never be happy being with a girl who I got with while looking like that. It destroyed who I was, and that was part of why things got worse. So that is one conclusion that I have drawn.
  14. Forget about me, you've clearly already made up your mind that my problem is entirely my creation. What about all of the other young men (especially those younger than me)? What is the Sikh community going to do for them? What can we do to provide support and guidance, especially when they are going through the most vulnerable time in their lives, maturing into adults? Oh, wait, nevermind. I must be the only singh who has ever struggled with this. And if there are one or two other singhs who have also struggled with this, it must be because of their rotten personalities.
  15. How is everyone doing? I have been away from this forum. After cutting my hair, I sunk into an even deeper depression than I had been in. I went through some serious problems with my career and also experienced some family problems. In the midst of all this, I just stopped caring about girls. I have grown my hair and beard back now and once again am a singh. So what does the Sikh community intend to do about this issue? It is not going away anytime soon. I know there will be many on this forum who will try to downplay this issue and act like it is only a problem that is specific to me and my experiences. But the truth is that far too many young sikh men with their dhari and kesh intact have no where to turn, no support structure, no guidance, and no idea what to do to feel better about themselves. Is there anything we can do? We can't continue to ignore this issue.
  16. Yes, and I'm glad that they got a reputable actor like Ben Kingsley to play the Sikh sardar. That alone will give it some credibility and inspire people to take a closer look at the film. I wish they did a better job of tying his turban though ...
  17. In Canada, there are about 500,000 Sikhs in a country of 30 million In America, there are about 300,000 Sikhs in a country of over 300 million SO OF COURSE THE SIKH COMMUNITY IN CANADA WILL HAVE MORE POLITICAL INFLUENCE Anyway, I don't have much good to say about the Sikh community in America. But although we have far too many shortcomings here, Canadian Sikhs are even worse! In America, you won't see Sikhs adopting white Christian names such as David or Rob or Jessica or Ron like they do in Canada. There are some marriages taking place to goray over here, but in Canada it is an epidemic! It is bizarre how desperately Canadian Sikhs want to "integrate" and distance themselves from their roots. They will use terms like "Indo-Canadian" to describe themselves and go to great lengths to emphasize how proud they are of being Canadian.
  18. I agree with you that Canadian Sikhs are by far the most pathetic in the diaspora But moneh have gotten out of hand in general, and that's true everywhere, even in Punjab. The mocking and ridiculing is bad enough, and now with violence like this, what's next? It's a product of the failure of the older generation to pass down any respect for the dastar.
  19. It is possible to be both "busy either hugging each other, kissing each on the lips or fondling each other's privates" and pot-bellied it is also possible to be both "busy either hugging each other, kissing each on the lips or fondling each other's privates" and scrawny So you are wrong. Anyway, the reason Singhs are not in good shape is because people tend to obsess over getting in great shape if they are obsessed with their appearance. If a Singh is the type of person who is obsessed with his appearance and wants to impress others, he will probably become a mona. So 99% of those who remain Singhs just don't care.
  20. Sidhu does not exist at all in Malwa? That's ridiculous. Sidhu is probably the most common jatt surname in Malwa. Yes, Brars are a subgroup of Sidhus. But there are LOTS of Sidhus in Malwa who write "Sidhu" and not "Brar" as their surname.
  21. Yes, I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that a majority of Sikhs in general come from this community * rolls eyes *
  22. Interesting list I guarantee that most of the girls who are listed as indifferent (i.e. have specified that they are open to guys who wear turbans as well as guys who don't wear turbans) in reality will only consider clean-shaven men. It is quite common for parents to submit their daughters' profiles to matrimonial lists (or try to set up rishtas). These parents are often unaware of their daughters' preferences. They themselves don't see anything horribly wrong with wearing a turban, so they assume their daughters are ok with it. I also bet that a good portion of the girls open to turban-wearing guys are in fact only open to "trim singhs" So in all likelihood, the proportion of women on that list open to turbaned guys is greatly inflated.
  24. No, malwa region was not part of Sikh empire. Ranjit Singh signed a treaty with the british whereby he agreed to stay north of the river satluj