Hi all
I would like to introduce myself to this forum. I've not joined any forum except this one as I'm in need of spiritual and mental guidance from fellow sikh people. Before I go speak to other family members or seek professional help I would be greatful for any advice and help on here including any paats, shabats to read (or listen to) to help me with my problem that's tearing me apart deep down.
Heres my story....
I'm 27years old and fully educated with degrees etc living in the UK (been born here and brought up here) working in the NHS in a good job living away from my parents and hometown. Anyway because of my age my family are really bullying me about marriage. Everytime I go home to visit my parents and brothers (who are slightly younger than me) I'm always getting the same thing everytime and now my brother who's (25yrs old) seems miserable because he's getting it from other family members and with me being the eldest Its always gets back to me.
The thing is being a good sikh girl, I'm already in love with a guy but he's white. I met him when I was at University through a friend and we became close and eventually he's been my bestest friend like no-one has been there for me and been good friends for a couple of years before we started taking things further.
He's such a great guy, never swears, has never done anything to hurt me (like cheated on me) always supporting me and helping me out and very loving and caring and have been together for about 2years. My two brothers and cousins have met him and love him but the problem is that I've not told my parents as I'm very afraid, frightened and scared as to what they'll do and say to me OR maybe i'l get beaten black and blue...
My boyfriend knows all this stuff with my family yet he's still caring and wants to be with me and I'm so happy with him however my brother hurt my feelings the other week and said that i don't deserve to be happy and do what my family says. This isn't fair..... my family moved from India/Africa to live here in the Uk and brought children up here so why can't they accept that this is what's is going to happen. I've worked my heart mind and soul to do what they wanted me to ever since i was young. Despite suffering a tormented childhood, I still became a kind hearted, friendly caring person who followed God went to college, uni etc and got a good job at the end of it.
I'm usually a happy person when I'm away from my hometown enjoying activites like exercising etc with my boyfriend and when I'm home I'm becoming more and more miserable and down because of this.... My brother and cousins have said "why don't you tell the truth" but i just don't know how .......... I hope and pray I don't hurt anyone including myself, my boyfriend or my family.
One of my cousins cousins got married to a white boy in Jan 2010 (shes 28) but her family took 2years to get finally accept it... what if mine don't ever accept me or him?
How do I go about this. Go about it where I don't blurt everything out in a angry state when my family are shouting... especially my nan whos's always shouting at me and I have tried to explain that I'l find my own boy but she gets even more angry and shouts over me and reports back to my parents and other uncles and aunts and it starts all over again. I've tolerated it for so long now but now I'm constantly dreading going to see her and relatives.
I have recently thought about talking to another auntie or uncle someone who will understand and support me throughout and back me up. I know my brothers and cousins will but at the end of the day I think "what if I am a disappoinment just because I am different to them all in the way I do things.....".
Maybe not tell the entire truth just yet..... Maybe say I'm in love with a boy i've known for about 6yrs and he's been my best friend and we've gotten close? ..... Ohh...... Please waheguru keep me and everyone I love happy.
