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I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but why have you decided to marry in an Indian temple, if your intended husband does not know "the ins and outs of " Sikhism. the marriage ceremony involves a commitment to follow Guru Granth Sahibji. if you find a place in india that agrees to go ahead, you and intended husband should look into what the ceremony means and also into the basic values of Sikhi, otherwise it is disrespectful to our Guru and makes a mockery of the Anand Karaj.

Now and then Badal does show independent thought. Something totally detrimental to his overlords.

Dear brother, what you are going through is called lower self esteem. You are asking for help, but remember, to get help from someone, first of all you have to help yourself, otherwise it is not possible. From your writings, it is evident you are making attempts to get up from the mud and start walking. The thing is you feel you are not able by yourself for anything positive, when the truth is, that not only you have the power to overcome all your mistakes, slowly and gradually, but you must be aware that the owner of the whole " kaeenaat " or creation is within you, and so if you ask Him for help, He will surely give. Not in the sense that your destiny will be changed from black to white by the wavering of a magic stick, but in the sense that He wil come and abide in your mind and guide you, and give you the support within, so that even if a calamity comes, you will not feel perturbed at all, but remain peaceful and calm ,without losing your balance. It is good what you say about your life, it is an eye opener for others, because you are a living example about it. You are not alone, I have witnessed amny cases like you in front of my eyes. You say, you took amrit at the age of 20. The amrit you mention, is not a magic drink that changes one from a crow into a swan. This amrit does not wipe the vikars and wash our sins.This amrit is just a symbol, for us as sikhs, that we are commited to Wahiguru in doing His bhajan bandagee, and to lead a moral and clean life in whatever conditions we maybe. That is the purpose of sikhee, to reunite our souls with the true Guru, which is Shabad Guru. Once we start walking on the path of Gurmat within, by His Grace, that devotion will allow us to drink made by He Himself, and yes, this Amrit once tasted, will surely burn the storehouse of our karmas, mind will be defeated, vikars wil be overcome, we will become that pure paviter, that we will be able to merge in Him then. The inner Amrit made by Wahiguru Himself, is made out of Shabad, rather we can say also, it is Shabad itself, and is full of pure consciousness, in which our soul bathes within and thus gets purified from all the impurities covering it. ਸਲੋਕ ਮਹਲਾ ੨ ॥ ਜਿਨ ਵਡਿਆਈ ਤੇਰੇ ਨਾਮ ਕੀ ਤੇ ਰਤੇ ਮਨ ਮਾਹਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਏਕੁ ਹੈ ਦੂਜਾ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਨਾਹਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਮਨੈ ਮਾਹਿ ਪਾਈਐ ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦਿ ॥ ਤਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹੀ ਪੀਤਾ ਰੰਗ ਸਿਉ ਜਿਨ੍ਹ੍ਹ ਕਉ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਆਦਿ ॥੧॥: Salok Mahala 2 || Jin vadiaaee tere Naam kee te ratte mann maahi. Nanak Amrit ek hai, doojaa Amrit naahi. O Nanak! There is only One Amrit (i.e, the Naam-Amrit); there is no other Amrit at all (i.e., they do not consider anything else as Amrit) Nanak Amrit manai maahi paaeeai gur parsaadi. O Nanak! (This Naam) Amrit is within the mind (of everybody, but it is), obtained by "Gur Parsaadi" (Grace of the Gur-Giaan...) tinhee peetaa rang siou jinh kaou likhiaa aadi|| 1|| (sggs 1238) They alone drink it in with love, who are so destined by the Primal Lord. ||1|| (sggs 1238). "Amrit" is a Sanskrit word that literally means "without death" or "no death", and is often referred to in texts as Nectar, Ambrosial Nectar, Mahaa Rasa, Elixir of Life, Water of Life, Aab-i-Hayat, Mansarover or the Pool of Nectar, etc., conferring Eternal Immortality, Cosmic Awareness or Universal Consciousness. It is time and again stressed in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib that there is only One Amrit, that the mind (or Aatmaa) can drink. And that One Amrit is the Naam (ਆਤਮਕ ਜੀਵਨ ਦੇਣ ਵਾਲਾ ਗੁਰ ਸ਼ਬਦ, ਹਰਿ-ਨਾਮ, ਬਾਣੀ). Amrit is the Inner Sound Principle (Naad, Anhad Naad) and the Inner Light Principle (Joti) that ends the restlessness or delusion (doubt, Bharam...) of the mind and dispels its duality (Doojaa-Bhaav, love or hunger of Maya...) and darkness of its ignorance. It is the Food of Life on which the spirit-soul feeds. The experience of It bestows Bliss (Anand, everlasting Joy, ਆਤਮਕ ਅਡੋਲਤਾ, etc.) and sets one free from the false ego-sense (Haumai) and its menacing faults - lust, anger, greed, attachment, pride and their countless variations. The Gurbani tells us that the rain of Amrit (ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ ਦੀ ਵਰਖਾ) is Experienced within the mind when one is established in the mystic Tenth Gate - "ਦਸਵਾ ਦੁਆਰੁ". Why there is "only One" Amrit? Because there is only One Lord. Oneness is the fundamental principle of Sikhi. It has to be like this as there is One Parameshar (ੴ ) - no second (or "Doojaa"). The Gurbani says that the Naam-Amrit alone is sweet, and that this is "the only immaculate Truth in the world". ਏਕੋ ਏਕੁ ਵਸੈ ਮਨਿ ਸੁਆਮੀ ਦੂਜਾ ਅਵਰੁ ਨ ਕੋਈ ॥ ਏਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਹੈ ਮੀਠਾ ਜਗਿ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਸਚੁ ਸੋਈ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਨਾਮੁ ਪ੍ਰਭੂ ਤੇ ਪਾਈਐ ਜਿਨ ਕਉ ਧੁਰਿ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਹੋਈ ॥੫॥੪॥: The One and only One Lord abides within the mind and there is no other second. The Name-Amrit alone is sweet and that is the only immaculate Truth in the world. O Nanak! The Name of God is obtained, by those who are so predestined. ||5||4|| (sggs 1259). So just remeber the promise you made to Wahiguru, that blessed day you took amrit at the age of 20 as per rehit, but for some reasons you could not keep up your word to Wahiguru as per devoting yourself to Him. The outer amrit is just to motivate us and keep us on the right tracks with bhakti, so that one day by His Grace, we may be able to drink the real and true Amrit within. Even now is not late, as long as you can breathe, gather as much wealth of Nam Simran as much as possible, because that is the only true wealth that we shall carry with us. Destiny can blow us, as per our karmas, but with the help and practice of Naam, we get so strong that these blows will not knock us down, but rather one such day will come, that we will knock out all our obstacles, like mind, vaasnas, vikaars, karmas, and kal himself....and by His Grace will merge in Him, thus fulfill the purpose of our lives by treading on the path of Gurmat So brother, cheer up, life is too valuable to miss it just like that, by wailing and feeling pity. Be truthful to yoursef, by standing on the priciples of sikhee, then see how you yourself starts changing your ill fortune into a good one, because now you have taken refuge at the Lotus feet of Wahiguru Akal Purukh. And taking refuge does not mean big big words, but by practicing regularly the devotion of His Naam Simran, as simple as that. Sat Sree Akal.

if you rae site's maintainer , can i ask why akali nihang baba karam singh ji 96 crori isnt mentioned as jathedar before akali nihang baba santa singh ji 96 crori ??

Only thing I would suggest is to keep doing simran as much as you can throughout the day as much as you can. Doesn't matter if your not sitting down crossed legged with 100% focus. The more you do the more it will start automatically and the more you will want to do it. That's what I try and do and find it really helps. Also try and do simran in the sangat. Read SGGS which will really inspire you to do it. Walking whilst doing simran also helps but keep you dhyan looking down and not looking all over the place.

I'm sorry Singh but either I have misunderstood your post but I as far as I understand simran, to die in the shabad is the ultimate death one can hope for. There are countless pangtis in SGGS that tell one to die in the shabad and use the shabad to subdue/restrain the mind. If you leave the mind to it's own devices you will never be able to restrain it. Those who meditate on the Name, with one-pointed mind and focused consciousness, remain forever stable in the world. jinee naam Dhi-aa-i-aa ik man ik chit say asthir jag rahi-aa. The Gurmukh has conquered his own mind, by applying the Touchstone of the Shabad. gurmukh aapnaa man maari-aa sabad kasvatee laa-ay He fights with his mind, he settles with his mind, and he is at peace with his mind. man hee naal jhagrhaa man hee naal sath man hee manjh samaa-ay. Those who conquer their own mind, by Guru`s Grace, lovingly focus their attention on the Lord. gur parsaadee man jinai har saytee liv laa-ay. Ang 87 Those who die in the Shabad and subdue their own minds, obtain the door of liberation. Sabadh Marai Man Maarai Apunaa Mukathee Kaa Dhar Paavaniaa One who dies in the Word of the Shabad, shall never again have to die. sabad marai fir maran na ho-ay. When the self dies, the individual mind comes to know the Supreme Mind. aap moo-aa man man tay jaani-aa. I have died in the Word of the Shabad, and through the Shabad, I am dead while yet alive, O Siblings of Destiny; through the Shabad, I have been liberated. ham sabad mu-ay sabad maar jeevaalay bhaa-ee sabday hee mukat paa-ee. One who dies in the Shabad and conquers his mind is the true hermit; he understands the Way of Yoga. sabad marai man maaray a-oDhoo jog jugat veechaaree. If someone dies in the Word of the Shabad, his mind become immaculate, O Saints; such worship is accepted and approved. sabad marai man nirmal santahu ayh poojaa thaa-ay paa-ee. Ang 932 Everyone calls himself true and genuine. kharaa kharaa aakhai sabh ko-ay. He alone is true, who obtains the jewel throughout the four ages. kharaa ratan jug chaaray ho-ay. Eating and drinking, one dies, but still does not know. khaat pee-ant moo-ay nahee jaani-aa. He dies in an instant, when he realizes the Word of the Shabad. khin meh moo-ay jaa sabad pachhaani-aa. His consciousness becomes permanently stable, and his mind accepts death. asthir cheet maran man maani-aa. By Guru`s Grace, he realizes the Naam, the Name of the Lord. gur kirpaa tay naam pachhaani-aa. If the mortal dies in the Shabad, then he is liberated; he focuses his consciousness on the Lord`s Feet. man sabad marai taa mukto hovai har charnee chit laa-ee. Ang 1237 First Mehl: mehlaa 1. He is not won over by music, songs or the Vedas. na bheejai raagee naadee bayd. He is not won over by intuitive wisdom, meditation or Yoga. na bheejai surtee gi-aanee jog. He is not won over by feeling sad and depressed forever. na bheejai sogee keetai roj. He is not won over by beauty, wealth and pleasures. na bheejai roopeeN maaleeN rang. He is not won over by wandering naked at sacred shrines. na bheejai tirath bhavi-ai nang. He is not won over by giving donations in charity. na bheejai daateeN keetai punn. He is not won over by living alone in the wilderness. na bheejai baahar baithi-aa sunn. He is not won over by fighting and dying as a warrior in battle. na bheejai bhayrh mareh bhirh soor. He is not won over by becoming the dust of the masses. na bheejai kaytay hoveh Dhoorh. The account is written of the loves of the mind. laykhaa likee-ai man kai bhaa-ay. O Nanak, the Lord is won over only by His Name. naanak bheejai saachai naa-ay.

Here Jasdeep read the following shabad by Guru Arjan Dev ji on ang 1006 Maaroo, Fifth Mehl, Sixth House, Du-Padas: maaroo mehlaa 5 ghar 6 dupday One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru: ik-oNkaar satgur parsaad. Abandon all your clever tricks; meet with the Holy, and renounce your egotistical pride. chhod sagal si-aanpaa mil saaDh ti-aag gumaan. Everything else is false; with your tongue, chant the Name of the Lord, Raam, Raam. avar sabh kichh mithi-aa rasnaa raam raam vakhaan. ||1|| O my mind, with your ears, listen to the Name of the Lord. mayray man karan sun har naam. The sins of your many past lifetimes shall be washed away; then, what can the wretched Messenger of Death do to you? ||1||Pause|| miteh agh tayray janam janam kay kavan bapuro jaam. ||1|| rahaa-o. Pain, poverty and fear shall not afflict you, and you shall find peace and pleasure. dookh deen na bha-o bi-aapai milai sukh bisraam. By Guru`s Grace, Nanak speaks; meditation on the Lord is the essence of spiritual wisdom. gur parsaad naanak bakhaanai har bhajan tat gi-aan. That is all you got to do, but still we find it very difficult. Keep practising throughout the day. Just say once then check did your mind completely hear it. If so do it again.. Its about quality first not quantity so relax, say it slowly with love. Eventually the mind like a trained dog, will the moment your ears hear the word Waheguru will listen attentively. You will be able to observe it that it kept quite and just stood still. When I first used to sit in sangat and do simran I could not even hear my own voice, I used to just sing along. My ears were not tuned to listening to what comes out of my own mouth. I used think gosh what’s wrong with me I can hear everyone else but not the sound coming out of my own mouth. With practise of saying it constantly throughout the day my mind/ears became adept at focusing on my own voice. Now no matter how loud the sangat get, my mind locks into my own voice. Then the anand increases and you begin to absorb into the shabad. The thoughts begin to decrease and all you can hear is the word WaheGuru nothing else. It becomes intoxicating. Then whenever you have a free minute, you will think to yourself let me fill those few minutes with waheguru jaap and be lost in the feeling again. Hope that helps you ji..

I'm guessing your trying to do simran internally with the voice of the mind. The technique I've have found the most beneficial in helping still the mind first is to put your dhiyaan into your voice just in front of your mouth. Lock in your ears into listening at that position as you say Waheguru. Then watch has your mind begins sit and listen. If it begins to wonder grab it and bring it back there and force it to listen. You will then become more aware when your mind wants to take flights and you will restrain it. With practice your mind will automatically get used to focusing and listening to the shabad. After it learns to sit still then lower the volume and make sure it still sits there. Eventually your dhiyaan will remain in your ears when your japping whether verbally or internally. The ears/mind will become super sensitive and trained that when ever jap is occurring it will automatically learn to sit and listen. Your anand will increase and then with Guru's grace your off..... If you still find your mind is very active, then jap with your eyes open for a while but keep the focus on the sound of the jaap. If you keep the dhiyaan on the sound in front of lips/mouth you will find that as your mind becomes still the eyes will automatically close. Hope it helps ji...